With over 15 years of coaching in youth soccer, I can say that I have just about seen it all. From coaching some of the top youth tournaments in the country to managing the Pink Tigers and the Green Mantis in AYSO this past season, I always share that there is usually one key factor that can make or break a season…the parents. I put this together for any parent with kids in youth sports, but specifically for soccer parents who either have kids playing for the first time or need a refresher on the do’s and don’ts of their role.  

Before diving in, I want to point out that I firmly believe that 99.99% of parents show up to the field and have positive intentions, but the second the game begins, things quickly change. Why is that? When watching their kid play, it’s as if a piece of them is out there. All we want as parents is to see our kids happy and succeed. Why wouldn’t our actions and words follow that sentiment? It starts with knowing our roles as parents. Everyone attending youth sports must remember their roles during a game.

• We have coaches to coach the game.

 • We have referees to referee the game.

 • We have players to play the game.

 • And we have spectators to spectate the game.

A parent’s role consists of watching the game and supporting your child and the other players on the court. I know it can be a rollercoaster of thoughts and feelings watching your kids competing against other kids, but parents must be able to control their emotions. So please sit back, enjoy the game, smile, and support the players with a clap or cheer after they make a good play (Dagenais). 

I could probably come up with 20 different categories. But for simplicity’s sake, I’ve created five categories that youth sports parents typically fall within. For any potential growth to take place, I ask that you humble yourself and think about your actions during your child’s sports events (practice & games) because the reality is that you may read this list and live within all five categories. Still, the ultimate goal is to recognize areas you might struggle with and strive to become an All-Star parent. 

• The All-Star Parent
• The Accidental Diminisher 
• The Live-Through-Your-Kids Parent
• The Coach Parent
• The Critical Parent 

The All-Star Youth Sport Parent: 

The parents that fall into this category are the model youth sports parents. You may find many of these qualities you already have. Still, please understand that having even ONE characteristic of the other categories can damage your child’s youth sports experience. 

The All-Star parent supports their child on and off the field. This involves positive reinforcement and respecting the effort their child puts forth. This parent has their child at as many practices and games as they can attend with the proper equipment. The All-Star parent helps other kids on the team when in need, including rides to and from practice and encouraging other kids on the sidelines. The All-Star parent is involved with team needs and makes the coaches’ life easier by helping communicate with other parents, organizing fundraisers, and providing team snacks. They are involved as possible! The All-Star parent shows up to as many games as they can attend and makes their kid’s sport a priority. These parents will stand behind the decisions of the coach and the referees, and they do not let their children blame others. The All-Star parent is genuinely interested in seeing everyone on the team succeed, not just their own (Dagenais).  

Example of an All-Star Parent: 

One parent told me they recognized they yelled negative comments during the games. To avoid doing that, they stood near one of the end-lines and recorded the games. This All-Star parent took something they struggled with and turned it into a positive to help the team. The parent avoided using negative comments because every word was now recorded, and then they disseminated the film to all team members for video analysis.  

The Accidental Diminisher Youth Sports Parent:

I am using “Accidental Diminisher” from Liz Wiseman’s book, Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter. Although her terminology of the Accidental Diminisher focuses on Managers within the business world, the concept applies to youth sports parents. The Accidental Diminisher is the parent who means well but doesn’t recognize the damage they’re doing. The following examples are things I’ve consistently seen throughout my coaching career that parents do and genuinely think they’re helping. 

The Car Ride Home:

Believe it or not, the car ride home can be one of the most impactful moments you can have as a parent. So many times, the accidental diminisher finally gets their kid in the car and wants to analyze the practice/game. “In the first half, you passed the ball to Ryan; why didn’t you shoot?” Yet, when the game is over, parents don’t realize that their child has mentally moved on more often than not. 

“Emotions are high, disappointment, frustration, and exhaustion are heightened for both player and parent, yet many parents choose this moment to confront their child about a play, criticize them for not putting enough effort, and chastise their child, their teammates, their coach, and their opponents. There could not be a less teachable moment in your child’s sporting life than the ride home, yet it is often the moment that well-intentioned parents decide to do all of their teaching (O’Sullivan, 2014).”

Trust me, as a parent; I’ve struggled with this idea. There was a time I was furious with my son’s effort during a game and immediately began discussing effort with him in the car. Instead, I encourage all my parents to say these simple words when they get into the car. 

” I am so proud of you, and I love to watch you play.” 

Your job as a parent is done. It’s okay to discuss his effort at another point (best before their next practice) but not on the car ride home! However, most parents can’t stop there. Instead of initiating the conversation about specifics within the game, try asking the following question, “Can you tell me your favorite thing about today’s game?” I love this question because it avoids the yes or no responses we typically receive as parents. The most important aspect of the car ride home is to allow your child to initiate all conversations about the game. If they initiate, it’s okay to engage and share some of your thoughts (as long as it’s positive, I’ll get more into this later). 

Blaming others to protect the child’s feelings: 

The championship game just ended, and you see your child in tears. I can’t begin to recall how often I’ve heard parents blame others to protect their child’s feelings.  

“It’s okay, Sam, it’s not your fault! You only lost that game because the ref was terrible!”

“It’s okay, Jessica, it’s not your fault! You only lost that game because your coach made some questionable substitutions at the end of that game!”

“It’s okay, Ryan, it’s not your fault! You only lost that game because your GK gave up two easy goals.”

While you may be protecting your child’s feelings now, comments like these are far more damaging than you can ever imagine.

As parents, we miss valuable teaching moments on life skills like ownership, character, and resiliency.

Instead, using the examples above, we teach our kid’s that it’s okay to blame the referee and instill doubt and a lack of respect for your coach and teammate. I teach my players a straightforward question I want them to think about after every game we’ve played. “What could I have done better to be a good teammate and help my team succeed?”  Further, I show them that when they point their finger (blame others) at somebody else, they will always have their own three fingers pointing back at them! TAKE OWNERSHIP!

Example of an All-Star Youth Sports Parent: 

I once heard one of my parents quickly correct their child after the game. The son came off the field and said, “it’s okay, guys; we only lost because that referee sucked and gave them two penalty kicks.” I will never forget the All-star parent’s response, “Is that so? Was it the referee’s fault your team missed four breakaways? Was it the referee’s fault your team defended poorly and fouled them twice in the box? Was it the referee’s fault your team struggled to keep possession today? Instead of blaming the referee, maybe we can learn from this and think about what we could have done better.”

The Live-Through-Your-Kids Parent: 

More often than not, parents that fall into this category have regrets through their youth sports careers. These parents never reached as high of a level as they felt they could have achieved and want to ensure their children didn’t make the same mistakes. Again, the positive intention with poor outcomes. The live-through-your-kid parent pushes their child to train every day and gets upset if the kid is not interested or would instead do something else. These parents get upset with their children if they don’t put in the same kind of effort that they expect to achieve a high level of success. These parents typically push their kids to be the way they are and do things the way they did when they were playing the sport.

Do: Encourage your kid to practice their sport daily by asking if they want to pass the ball, play catch, or shoot hoops.  

Don’t: Get upset at the child if their response is “no,” and they’d instead build legos.

If, after encouraging the child to go and practice, the child says yes and wants to practice outside. 

Do:

1. Attempt to make the activity as fun as possible.
2. If you’re dribbling a soccer ball, create a game involving superheroes and bad guys.
3. Allow the child to “practice” without realizing they are learning a skill.

Don’t: As much as you want to instill your knowledge and expertise in your child, don’t over-coach. Don’t do drills professional players do. I’ve failed many times at this! I set up a cone drill that will benefit my child, but they quickly get disinterested and want to do something else.

The Coach Parent: 

There are many examples I can provide of the Coach Parent. But the most detrimental one is when the Coach Parent communicates to players during the game. The Coach Parent has no idea what the game plan is from the actual coach, but because they “understand the game” well enough, they think they are being helpful by suggesting tips during the flow of the game. They can also be destructive to different team members because they may try to undermine what you are teaching. The Coach Parent is especially dangerous if they have a high level of achievement in a sport that other players might respect more than yours (Dagenais). 

My example: 

I try to do a 12-month periodization plan for each team I coach, breaking my teaching topics into age-appropriate skills/concepts. For example, we practice only building out of the back during one specific month. I had a handful of “Coach Parents” on this particular team, who all grew up playing in their respective countries. After a month of working on playing out of the back, during a scrimmage game, I created a rule that for the entire 1st half, we were not allowed to kick the ball long (in the air) from our goal kicks. The intention was to force the players into challenging scenarios, create solutions, and find appropriate passing angles by moving off the ball. The players did as I instructed, but as the 1st half progressed, my Coach Parents were getting nervous about the decisions they were making and started shouting comments like, “Boot it long” or “play safe, hit the long ball to your forward.” 

The Coach Parents have now put their kids in a difficult situation they should never face. Obey their parents, or listen to their coach. 

While the Coach Parent meant well and was trying to help the team, the message they ultimately sent was they did not trust their coach and the development process that was taking place.  

The Critical Parent: 

I almost called this category the negative parent. This category is one of the most damaging and toxic parents on the sideline. Nothing is done right – the coach cant teach the game, the other parents don’t know how to handle their children, the other children don’t play like your kid, the other kids lack effort, etc. This gossiping parent can run rampant on your team and sour the athletic experience for all.

The Critical Parent will be most critical of their child and will hamper their child’s performance. The children feel tremendous pressure to live up to the critical parent’s expectations. And because the critical parent is most critical of their child, they naturally think it’s okay to be critical of others. So even if a child does something well within the game, the critical parent will find a way to bring it down. An example would be commenting, “That was a great pass; it’s about time you looked that way.” While the critical parent might think they’re giving a compliment, there is still the underlying message the kid has been failing.

My example: 

I once had a critical parent that could not contain himself. Whenever his son was in the game, he would yell and demand more effort. After multiple conversations and throughout an entire season, the critical parent began to affect his child. During a college showcase, the critical parent yelled so much at his son, that his 16-year-old son burst into tears during the game. For the remainder of the tournament, I played the player on the opposite side of his father so he could primarily hear me and not his dad. Seeing a kid suffering that much anxiety while attempting to play a sport was heartbreaking. After a blunt conversation with the father, I told him that he was no longer allowed to watch the game from the sidelines until he could control himself. The father was embarrassed after learning that I had to play his kid on the opposite side of the field from him.  

As I began, I believe 99.99% of parents have positive intentions when arriving to the field, yet we unknowingly fall into categories that have damaging effects. Trust me; it’s easy to fall into a harmful category. As a parent of three, I still make mistakes and fall into these categories. As we hope our children develop their skills throughout the season, I ask my parents to attempt to do the same. The more All-Stars we have, the better the experience for all!  

References: 

Dagenais, M. (n.d.). 10 types of SPS. Alvin Girls Softball Association. Retrieved July 20, 2022, from https://www.alvingirlssoftball.org/page/show/1514538-10-types-of-sports-parents

O’Sullivan, J. (2014, May 1). The Ride Home. Changing the Game Project. Retrieved July 20, 2022, from https://changingthegameproject.com/the-ride-home-after-the-game/

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Essential Aspects of Soccer Recruitment

College coaches look for specific qualities in soccer recruits, including strong academics, substantial experience on high school or club teams, excellent physical fitness, proficient skills, and teamwork abilities. However, possessing these attributes is just the starting point. To truly improve your odds, consider the following advice.

Engage in club soccer

Relying solely on high school team participation may not be sufficient to get noticed by college coaches. Joining a competitive club team can provide essential exposure and experience required for successful college soccer recruitment.

Start early

Many collegiate coaches prefer to assess potential recruits as early as tenth grade, or even earlier. If you’re serious about playing college soccer, discuss your recruitment path with your coach and parents during high school. Even if you’re in your junior year, it’s not too late to begin contacting coaches and showcasing your skills.

Demonstrate commitment

Pursuing a career as a student-athlete in soccer demands significant dedication and effort. College coaches will want to understand your character as a player, teammate, and student. Demonstrating your ability to excel in competitive soccer and academics is crucial.

Communicate with your coach

Soccer is a team sport, making it challenging to quantify individual rankings for recruitment. It’s essential to have an open conversation with your current coach to assess your abilities and chances for recruitment. Your coach’s insights can help you compete for a spot at your preferred colleges.

Maintain good grades

Beyond soccer skills, a strong academic performance is vital throughout the recruitment process. So, if you need to improve your grades, it’s time to buy essays on a reliable website like Buyessayfriend.com. Experts will take care of your written papers and fulfill them according to your requirements. Coaches seek well-rounded individuals, and impressive academic records are essential to stand out as a potential recruit.

Tips to Maximize Your Recruitment Opportunities

If you decide to pursue soccer recruitment, the following steps can significantly improve your chances of being recruited by your dream college:

1. Attend Collegiate Soccer Camps: Participate in NCAA-hosted soccer camps held at colleges across the country during summers. These camps offer opportunities to enhance your skills, learn about college soccer, and interact with coaches from various schools.
2. Attend the Right Tournaments: Coaches often evaluate potential recruits at club tournaments, where they can observe players’ teamwork. Research which tournaments attract college coaches and make the most of these events to showcase your abilities and connect with coaches.
3. Conduct Thorough Research: When building your college list, consider schools that align with your academic, personal, and soccer-related preferences. Explore the competitiveness of the soccer team and assess how well your experience matches their requirements.
4. Make a Positive First Impression: Reach out to coaches at schools you are genuinely interested in and introduce yourself as a potential recruit. Be prepared with essential information, such as your GPA, team record, and athletic resume. Show genuine enthusiasm for the team and the school.
5. Ask Relevant Questions: Maintain communication with coaches and continue updating them on your progress. Ask questions that demonstrate your knowledge of the school and soccer program while expressing your sincere interest.

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So this is a thing that happened and while we don’t usually post political things, principally because we have pledged our allegiance to our pending A.I. robot overlords. We thought this was interesting because it seems everybody hates anybody that opposes them. So this just seemed nice, which begs the question. What are you doing to not be a dick today?

Opposing candidates in Utah’s gubernatorial race released an ad on Tuesday that shocked and called out both parties. Republican Lieutenant Governor Spencer Cox and law professor Chris Peterson, a Democrat, appear together to call for civility among voters.

“I’m not sure this has ever been done before…but as our national political dialogue continues to decline, my opponent and I decided to try something different,” Cox tweetedTuesday.  “Let’s make Utah an example to the nation.”

Today @SpencerJCox and I are releasing joint public service ads on civility in politics. Working together and the peaceful transfer of power are integral to what it means to be American. Let's reforge our national commitment to decency and democracy. #utpol #standunited pic.twitter.com/jeUJ78aVor

— Peterson for Utah (@PetersonUtah) October 20, 2020

“We can disagree without hating each other,” Cox says in one of the ads, in which he stands next to Peterson.

“We can debate issues without degrading each other’s character,” Peterson said.

So there it is folks, sports are awesome and so is some form of civility. Nothing makes me happier than a good old sports fight, on that same note seeing fans fight in the stands is the dumbest thing in the world because no matter how loyal of a fan you are, you’re “team” isn’t posting your bail. Overall Don’t be a dick! Go Dodgers!

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While sports are kicking off (thank the good Lord) we can also turn to the more intense sport that has been played since the beginning of time, and that is the sport of LOVE you MoFo’s.

While we all wait for the return to precedented times we can find solace in watching a game so savage that only the best survive and that is “Love Island” on your grandparents network CBS. I know, I know, most of you will say “but that’s not a sport”, and “I don’t want to read about sappy reality tv” you sir and mam (equals) are wrong!! Damn wrong!!!

Love Island has some characters that I want to see dragged online and then in real life. To be honest I can stand most of them. However, there are two who drive me up the wall. Carrington and Mackenzie, quite possibly two of the worst human beings on the show and in life.

I won’t go into details about my growing dislike of them except that Mackenzie is a manipulative cry baby, and Carrington can not stop staring at himself and I swear he has a wind machine following him everywhere he goes and it makes him talk and hold himself like he’s is some sort of gale force winds, he’s an idiot!

This past week the producers separated the men and women and placed them in seperate “islands” and then introduced a new set of men for the women and vice versa. Everything you expected to happened did. This Monday they put them back together to see if their relationships could stand up to the temptations of the other singletons. Spoiler alert, they were all pretty much unfaithful, shocker!

I will be watching with my wife along with some football on my phone. And if you are smart you’ll do the same.

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After a long and successful career LeBron James finally received an award worthy of his stature. LeBron was recognized for a performance that will stand through time and all eternity. Check it out and congrats to the big guy!

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Well two things, 1. The XFL apparently started today. 2. The D.C. Defenders won their game. This must have been a strange feeling for the city of D.C. as they don’t know what a win feels like, because, well do I have to say it? I think I do, it’s because the Redskins suck at football’ing.

This win may have fans confuses and start expecting their NFL team to start performing. Nah, who are we kidding, the truth is they placed these teams in cities that either have no football team or the foot ball team they do have is questionable.

I wouldn’t be surprised if we see Redskins players suited up outside the D.C. Defenders stadium asking for a chance to play. Because the alternative (playing for the Redskins) seems worse.

Let’s see how this works out for the XFL, this may also be my last post about the XFL because if I was a betting man, and I am. The XFL will go under just like the AAL, USFL, WFL and its predecessor the former XFL. Get tour tickets now folks, you will have stories to tell your grandkids for ages, not that they’ll actually care.

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Now I’m not saying this is how I would spend my money, but I’m also not saying that it isn’t how I would. Post Malone is in Miami for the Super Bowl and he will not be outdone by any other halftime performer.

Word on the street is he threw done more than 400k on a good time. this makes me realize that I have boring friends that don’t know how to party. With that said Post Malone for president!

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there is nothing sadder then watching any of these teams play, even worse seeing the empty stadiums. But the reality here is the owners need to do some self reflecting and realize they suck at owning a franchise.

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Who hasn’t been to a game where they thought to themselves “if they only put me in I could turn this around”. Well why wait for that opportunity? This dad certainly didn’t, and for that he’s the dad of the 1st quarter of the year (because I’m sure there’s another dad putting his beer down getting ready to impress the world)

What?? NC Parent tackles Wrestler! pic.twitter.com/uNAAeMMo0J

— Wrestling Coach (@wrestlingadvice) January 20, 2020

Not all hero’s wear capes and not all dads go to jail for assault, except for this guy, probably, I dunno?

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I was born too soon, this I will miss out on becoming a space ranger. Clearly the g-men abducted Star Trek’s logo, wouldn’t be the first thing they’ve abducted and detained. But honestly who cares?

We should be talking about the real thing happening here. Where are the alien bodies and why can’t we vacation on Mars or the Moon yet? I want answers! Whenever my wife says where do you want to go? I turn to her and say “to the moon” she laughs, my kids laugh, I’m sure Alexa and Google laugh, and I die a little inside because I really want to go.

I’m going to establish the first sports franchise on the Moon a football team called Moon Rocks, our tag line “Come get your rocks off at our games”. GOLD!

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